I read  What I Know Now: Letters to My Younger Self by Ellyn Spragins and found myself reflecting on the question: What would I tell my younger self? It is definitely an interesting read, and oh, if we could only go back and give our  younger selves advice.  Many of us have learned a lot of things the hard way. We just do not have enough good leading lady role models telling the younger girls/women what they need to know.  Think of the life of regrets that we could save younger girls and women.  Some things cannot be undone.

Some things can affect our lives for a very long time, if not forever.

Here is my list of what I would tell my younger self.  I will probably come back from time to time and update it, but it’s a start.

When you think about it, twenty years from now, we will be looking back at the very place we are now and thinking that we wish we could go back and give our present self advice.  Oh, the difference time, experience, and a little objectiveness can make.

I think twenty years from now, I would be telling my present self this:

Don’t waste today worrying about yesterday or tomorrow. The greatest tragedy of all is to waste today. -Simply Topaz

What would you tell your younger self?

Throughout our life opportunity presents itself, opportunities to direct/sculpt/create our life. It comes in the form of choices. These particular choices are not your ordinary choices. These are the choices that change your life forever. When we come face to face with a defining moment, we are making defining choices. These are choices that will alter the course of our life. For good or bad, we are determining the course of the rest of our life.

If you think back, the defining moments will reveal themselves. You know which ones they are. Sometimes the moment is so etched in our mind that we remember it down to the tiniest of details. We remember the two choices that we were presented with and even the feelings that we had, and then we make what seems like such an inconsequential decision, but it alters our life forever. If we only knew the power that we held in that moment. Defining moments seem almost magical. They find us. We do not find them.

Unfortunately, they do not always find us when we are in the best frame of mind to be making defining, life-altering choices.

So the question is how do we alter the course if we have made a bad choice in a defining moment, or to put ourselves in the best place to make good future choices? Defining moments are internal choices. We make them with our heart, not necessarily our instincts, but our heart based on everything that has brought us to this place today and what we have come to know and believe, and or fear up to this very point. That is the problem with defining moments. We are not always in the healthiest of places when we must make them. An important thing to note about defining moments is that while they do alter the course of our life and define our lives from that point on, we do have the power to change that course. It may not be in the magic of a defining moment, but it is possible.

Think back to the choice you made and who you were when you made it. That is where our attention must be focused. The person we were when we made the choice. Who was she? What did she think? What did she believe? What did she do daily? The defining moment is changed when we see the person who made the choice and begin to do things differently than she did. Was she selfish? If so, then do things that require giving. Was she fearful? If so, then do things that require being brave. When you change the person who made the choice, you will create a person who makes different choices. Many times we hear that knowing is half the battle. Yes, but it is not the whole battle. The rest of the battle comes when we change what we think and do daily. Consistency is key. Be careful not to fall into the trap of thinking that just because you see the error in the choice you made that that makes you changed. That can be a trap making you think that you are entirely different. You are not truly there until you are consciously changing the day to day choices. Remember, it’s the day to day choices and thoughts that ultimately lead us to being the type of person who makes our defining moment choices. True change does not come until you consciously and consistently living a different daily life. We cannot change history, but we can create a new future. -Topaz

Did you ever think that maybe the person that we want to be is the person that we are meant to be? Maybe the desire is our true self pulling us where we need to be. Go ahead and take the first step and just start owning it. If you want to be confident, then act confident. If you want to be adventurous, then go on an adventure. If you want to be brave, then do something that scares you. Go after the life you want. It just might be the life that you were destined to have.

We often think we must feel or be something first before we do it, but rarely does anything work like that. Many times we think someone is confident, adventerous, or brave but come to find out, they feel just like the rest of us. The only difference is they do it anyway. And that is how we learn these things. Once we have read enough, watch enough people do it, it will all come down to us practicing it. Sometimes we must do it before we feel like it.

Think about how we learn or do anything. Do people usually feel that they can swim before they learn how and practice it? No. They feel it after they have spent many hours learning it and then many more hours practicing it. The same goes for playing an instrument. We never feel like we can do it before we learn and practice. It’s after those many hours that we then FEEL it. Let’s suppose for one moment that this could apply to confidence. I don’t know anyone who wants to lack confidence but many of us do at different points in our lives. So what if we take this principle and use it for confidence. We will only feel it by practicing it. Actors and actresses do this all the time. When we are watching a movie we believe that the actors are feeling everything they are acting, but for all practical purposes, they are acting. The interesting thing about this is the more we practice something the more we feel it, and the more people respond to us as such, which then in turn makes us feel it even more.

Take, for instance, someone who wants to be more adventurous. But they are not in the habit of being adventurous. If this person started going on more adventures, they are going to start to feel excited, brave, and adventurous. And you know what? People are going to start looking at their lives and treating them like they are adventurous.

The main thing we have to do is just to decide what we want. More than likely, if it is something that we really want, it is who we are meant to be. Many people feel that we are naturally who we we are, but I do not believe this. I believe that because of many various factors that some of us rarely live up or reach our full potential. The reason I say this is many times who we are naturally is not who we really are. It’s who we are because of what we have gone through. It could even be an old wound that has stunted your growth. But just because this is who you are today, it does not mean it is who you were meant to be or who you will be tomorrow.

Putting it into practice:

In your journal, describe the person you want to be. What type of traits does she have? Place these traits on a chart or in columns. List under each trait behaviors that a person with that trait would exhibit. Choose from this list each day or each week. Keep it by your bed and add or change it as you grow. The most important thing is to remember that in order to change, you must change what you are doing. Read more on how to be confident and take a 30 day challenge by The Art of a Beautiful Life.

Find a time and place of solitude. Look into the distance, and into the future. Visualize the tomorrow you are going to build – and begin to build that tomorrow, today. -Jonathan Lockwood Huie