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The Mirror Has Two Faces

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Who is this sassy, fun thing?

When I saw this picture for the first time in many years, I held it and studied it as if seeing it for the first time. I could not believe it was me. I felt much like Barbara Streisand’s character in the movie, The Mirror Has Two Faces, when she saw a picture she had never seen of herself when she was a little girl. I thought, “This is me? I was cute, fun, happy, loved and confident?”

As I looked at this picture, I couldn’t believe this was me.  You see, like Barbara Streisand’s character, I had lost my way, too.  I had forgotten who I was.  It seemed everything I had been doing in my life for so many years was part of a journey to take me right back here – to being who I always was, this fun, happy, loved and confident person, much like what happened with Barbara Streisand’s character.

Quote from The Mirror Has Two Faces:
Mother:  Do you know what I thought when you were a baby?  That you looked just like your dad, and that Claire looked like me.
Rose:  (looking at an old picture of little girl) What’s that? She was so pretty, even then. Look at those eyes. Those lips.
Mother:  That’s not Claire, that’s you.
Rose:  Me? I never saw this picture.
Mother: I found it when I was cleaning up.
Rose:  This was me?  I was pretty?
Mother:  Your father adored you. But you know that.  He never felt that way about Claire. Only you.  I don’t think he ever held a baby until you came.  He never wanted to let you go.
Rose:  I’m glad you found this.
Mother:  So am I.
Rose:  She was very pretty.
Mother:  You were very pretty. Remember that.

So, as I look at this picture of this fun, happy, loved and confident little girl, I am telling myself, “That’s me. Remember that. That’s the real me. The me before the ugliness of the world. The me before I lost my way. If ever I need to find myself, I need not look any further than this picture.”

We all need one of these pictures. It does not matter the age you are in the picture. Just find at least one picture of yourself where you shine, not just shine on the outside, but shine on the inside, too – you at the top of your game, confident and happy. Put these pictures where you can see them every day. And, remember, you do not have to find yourself. You just have to remember who you are.

P.S. Please note the pose. This is why I cannot wear dresses to this day.

Do you have a picture of you shining? 

(originally written July 31, 2009)

Playing Small Does Not Serve the World

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Dear Friend,

Ever notice how we struggle with accepting compliments or even thinking good things about ourselves, like we are almost being conceited?

Yet, we’re supposed to be confident.

It is okay to think good things about yourself. It’s the beginning of thinking good about others. If we don’t think well of ourselves and like ourselves, it’s almost impossible to really like others. We are in too small of a place to like others.

Leading ladies like themselves. They like who they are. And they like others.

If you were to sit down right now and think of yourself at your best, on your best day, when you are happiest, when you are truly letting yourself shine through, what do you see? What do you love about yourself?

Whatever is coming to your mind that you feel in your heart, write that down. Now.

In order to love others, we must first love ourselves or we have nothing to give the world.

It’s okay to love yourself. It really is.

These are the things I love about myself. It’s truly okay to say that, even out loud. It will even give others permission to love themselves, too.

I am thankful for who I am, all the good that I am.
I am smart.
I am creative.
I am inspired.
I am inspirational.
I am soulful.
I am kind.
I am lovely.

You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking. – Marianne Williamson

What do you love about yourself? I won’t judge you or think you are conceited, just let it flow from year heart. That is the real you.

The Power of Your Example as a Leading Lady

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We are setting examples for those around us every day. This is especially true for those who have children, even grown children. That is a powerful concept. Do you want your children struggling through life even as adults because they watched you lead a bad example? What kind of behavior do you want to see in them? That is what you should be modeling, how you want them to act. It is also true for the people we interact with on a daily basis, our friends or coworkers. We do not want to get so caught up in expressing ourselves that we forget we are teaching others how to act. It’s all too easy to get caught up in a moment. When you are upset or venting about something, stop and look around at who is watching you. What if it is your child watching you? Is that how you want them to let a situation get to them, or do you want to teach them to rise above it in a healthy manner? We teach them every second of every day. Leading ladies set good examples. You could be that person, the one who raises everyone around you up to a higher level just by realizing the power you hold with your actions and words.

People are watching you no matter which example you choose to lead. It’s up to you to decide the type of leading lady you want to be.

Forgiveness: Giving Up Hope That the Past Could Have Been Different

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Do you have a relationship breakup that you just cannot get over? Maybe even after years? Relationship breakups can be the hardest to get over, the hardest to forgive and move on with our lives. Sometimes relationships just don’t work out. More than likely, these relationships were never meant to be, no matter how much we thought they were destined for happily ever after and want to hang onto the thought that it could have been different. It wasn’t. It is what it is, and we cannot change the past. It is actually hanging onto the hope that the past could have been different that creates unforgiveness in our hearts. We stay hurt and become the walking wounded.


“Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could’ve been any different.”
– Oprah

It’s a painful concept to wrap our minds around, giving up hope, but it’s true. Not wanting to give up the hope that it could’ve been different is sometimes where we can so easily get stuck. It’s hard to let go of what could have been or what we wanted it to be, the hope it could have been different. The great thing about when we do let go is that we are opening ourselves up for all that is good and right for us. By holding on to something that was never meant to be, we sometimes miss what is actually meant to be because we’re not ready for it.

Leading ladies realize there is a world out there just waiting for them. There is not one thing that will ever benefit us by holding on to something that will never be. We embrace the life that is waiting for us. And that is where we have to focus, on an amazing future that is waiting for us. We will never have it if we don’t let go of what could have been and forgive. We have an amazing life waiting for us!

Each time you find yourself mourning what could have been with a relationship that is over, exchange those thoughts for what could be, what is right for you and waiting for you to be ready to receive it. Sometimes, we eventually let go, and are ready to move away from the past. We are done. Other times, this is something we must practice daily. The more we believe there is something better for us, the easier it will become, and the more you will attract good things into your life.

I ran across this quote a couple of years ago and realized the areas in my life where I struggled was because I had wanted things to be different. It is when we let go of that desire, that the anger leaves and forgiveness enters. Because ultimately things weren’t different. This is how they are. I know of a beautiful person going through a divorce who brought this to my mind tonight as she made a comment about this quote. She is going to be okay. This is a powerful concept that she is grasping early in the process. To everyone out there going through a divorce or breakup, it’s going to be okay. It’s going to be better than okay. If you focus on yourself and being the leading lady that you want to be, you will realize he didn’t really fit in your life anyway.

A very wise person once told me, “You don’t miss him. You miss what he could have been.”

There is a wonderful and inspiring writer, ImSimplyDebbie, who wrote a beautiful blog about letting go and listening to your heart. It is a must read: Listen to your Heart. Not only can we let go of relationships that didn’t work for us but also habits and attitudes that aren’t working for us. When we start to chip away and remove the things that don’t belong or work for us, we start to see who we really are. When we remove the bad, we make room for all that’s been waiting for us. When asked how Michelangelo made such marvelous sculptures he said that he just chipped away what did not belong. We are like that sculpture, just waiting for what doesn’t belong to be chipped away and removed, so that the masterpiece is revealed.

Finding Your Joy

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5 Steps to a Joy Filled Life

1. Start with a gratitude journal. Write in your journal every day. Choose one to three things that you are grateful for, things that bring you joy. They don’t have to be big things. I had wanted to start a gratitude journal for years. And probably did many times, but I doubt it got farther than that…just having the journal. I thought I needed major things to write down every day and was overwhelmed at the sheer pressure of it all. If today, you are happy for straws because you can drink without messing up your lipstick too badly, then be thankful for that. If you are thankful for cappuccinos this particular day at this particular moment, then be thankful for those. There are so many little things that we take for granted. Joy begins with appreciating the little things, too.

2. Surround yourself with things that bring you joy and peace. I love art. I love photographs. I love warm colors. I love music. I love candles. I love warm lighting. I love books. Surround yourself with things that move you. This is a great habit for two reasons. It feels really good, plus it helps you to know what doesn’t mean so much to you. Find out what is important and simplify your life. It makes decluttering a lot easier.

3.  Have a vision. For the same reason that exercise number two is good, so is this one. It is simply taking #2 to the next level. What moves you and inspires you for your life, not just your home. Where do you see yourself in 5 or 10 years, your ideal life? It can be a place or even a lifestyle or the type of person you want to be. Think about it in detail and write it all out and then create a vision board.  Look through a magazine and find images that move you. Tear those out and use them. Like exercise #2, it will not only help us know what we want, it will help us know what to eliminate.

4. Stop, think, and refocus. When you feel a situation stealing your joy, you and only you have the power to turn that around, but you must have a battle plan, so here it is: Stop, think, and refocus. Joy will always come from within, but you have to do things differently, though, if you want change. So the first step is to stop what you are doing. You must catch yourself and stop yourself from doing what you have always done. The next step is to think. Think to yourself, “Am I going to let this steal my joy?” That’s right…you have the power. At this point you are at a crossroad, and you are consciously present in the moment of choice. This is a good place. This is a place where change can happen. Make good choices. And lastly, refocus. Is there any good at all that you can see in this situation. Even something small. In a big picture, there are many small pictures. Don’t be committed to being right. Be open to seeing situations from different perspectives. Your joy depends on it. Find something good on which you can refocus your thinking and energy. You may still not be happy about the situation, but it may no longer have the power to still your joy.

5. Feel. Feel the joy. Feel the gratitude. Just as anger can be a powerful and palpable emotion, so can joy. Feel it. Let yourself go and be happy. Immerse yourself in it no matter what your situation. When you are grateful for something, feel that completely. Take a few minutes and feel that joy. When you are imagining the life you want, feel what it would feel like to have that, to be that. Feel it. This is where we begin to make it a reality in our lives.

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Leading ladies have joy in their lives. I mean how can they not, they’re leading ladies. Wouldn’t you be happy if you were a leading lady? Of course! Well, my friend, you are!  You are a strong, beautiful, brave woman, so smile away!

Many people think we need a reason for joy. That doesn’t hurt, and many times we have more reasons that we realize. We are just not focused on them. Other times, our lives can be quite the train wreck. Either way it doesn’t matter. You can still choose joy. Beautiful, heart palpitating joy! We don’t realize how much of our power we give away when we make bad choices and take a victim mentality. Leading ladies choose to be survivors, thrivers but never victims.

I love to be happy. I love how it feels. I love how it looks on me. I love how other people look at me when my joy is just spontaneously spilling over!

I saw Goldie Hawn’s daughter, Kate Hudson, on the Oprah Show a couple of years ago and could not get something she said out of my head. It became one of my goals to find out more.

Dancing isn’t the only passion Goldie passed along to her daughter. Kate says her mother also taught her to live joyfully. “That’s a big word in our family. My mom dedicates her life to understanding what that is,” she says. “To understand your happiness or what makes you happy in your life is something that we grew up around.”

Every time I see Goldie Hawn or her daughter, Kate Hudson, they have a smile on their faces. What a great thing to pass on to your child. Joy.

“When Kate Hudson was asked about her relationship with Alex Rodriguez, she was hush but stated that she was happy and full of joy….with a smile on her face.”

You know what? I believe she really is. You can practically feel it radiate from both Kate and her mom. They make me happy just to look at the expression of joy on their faces. I hope that others can see that on me, too. It wasn’t always that way, though.

Not that long ago I realized I was missing that from my life. I came to realize that I was the unhappiest, happy person that I knew. That is hard to wrap your head around. And I think it is even harder to explain. Imagine a really happy person trapped in a dark place. A place with a dark cloud. A place where it just makes you sad. It caused me to make some changes in my life or more accurately inside myself. I wanted to have joy in my life.

The most important lesson that I learned is that joy does not come externally. It is internal.

Life is not a perfect. Things will happen. Bad things happen, but it is how we view these that determine our joy level. We can give all of our attention and focus to the bad, and joy will slowly just get up and walk right out of the room. Or you can choose to acknowledge a situation, but perhaps look at it from a different point of view, essentially create a different story.  There is always more than one side to a story or one perspective.  In your mind, stand up and walk around the situation.  Seeing it in a different light can sometimes make all the difference.  When we put all of our focus on a the bad things and get wrapped up in them, then we are not seeing the good, we are not walking in peace, joy or love. It is all negative energy.  And it’s a cycle, a bad cycle. Think about it. Have you ever walked into a room all happy and in a great mood and encountered a really big grump? You can instantly feel it. Chances are that you can only take so much of that before you are grumpy, too, at least with that person. Whatever you are will attract more of the same. People will respond to you accordingly. And on and on it goes. Now, why is it that the grumpy people tend to influence the joyful people more, I have no idea. Maybe it depends on how well you have mastered making your joy an internal thing versus an external thing. Something to think about.

So how do we get that? By practicing joy.

Yep. When you are learning something new, you have to practice it. It is the same with joy. I’m not a joy expert like Goldie Hawn or her daughter,  Kate Hudson.  They have had years to practice being joyful, but I am more joyful than I was two years ago.  I found that by having a system in place, a joy plan, I made way more progress than just wanting to be more joyful.  Wanting it was a start, and it gave me the motivation to find out more and make a plan.  I do these regularly.  Some of these I do every day, sometimes twice a day.  I’ve always heard it said that you it takes 21 days to make something a habit.  That is why doing things here and there are not nearly as helpful.  It’s the daily doing of something that makes it a new habit, a new way of thinking.

Remember, this isn’t about changing the external as much as it is the internal. Nothing in my life has gotten better, except me. Choose joy. You will be so glad you did!