Category Archives: Featured

The Mirror Has Two Faces

Featured

Posted on by

Who is this sassy, fun thing?

When I saw this picture for the first time in many years, I held it and studied it as if seeing it for the first time. I could not believe it was me. I felt much like Barbara Streisand’s character in the movie, The Mirror Has Two Faces, when she saw a picture she had never seen of herself when she was a little girl. I thought, “This is me? I was cute, fun, happy, loved and confident?”

As I looked at this picture, I couldn’t believe this was me.  You see, like Barbara Streisand’s character, I had lost my way, too.  I had forgotten who I was.  It seemed everything I had been doing in my life for so many years was part of a journey to take me right back here – to being who I always was, this fun, happy, loved and confident person, much like what happened with Barbara Streisand’s character.

Quote from The Mirror Has Two Faces:
Mother:  Do you know what I thought when you were a baby?  That you looked just like your dad, and that Claire looked like me.
Rose:  (looking at an old picture of little girl) What’s that? She was so pretty, even then. Look at those eyes. Those lips.
Mother:  That’s not Claire, that’s you.
Rose:  Me? I never saw this picture.
Mother: I found it when I was cleaning up.
Rose:  This was me?  I was pretty?
Mother:  Your father adored you. But you know that.  He never felt that way about Claire. Only you.  I don’t think he ever held a baby until you came.  He never wanted to let you go.
Rose:  I’m glad you found this.
Mother:  So am I.
Rose:  She was very pretty.
Mother:  You were very pretty. Remember that.

So, as I look at this picture of this fun, happy, loved and confident little girl, I am telling myself, “That’s me. Remember that. That’s the real me. The me before the ugliness of the world. The me before I lost my way. If ever I need to find myself, I need not look any further than this picture.”

We all need one of these pictures. It does not matter the age you are in the picture. Just find at least one picture of yourself where you shine, not just shine on the outside, but shine on the inside, too – you at the top of your game, confident and happy. Put these pictures where you can see them every day. And, remember, you do not have to find yourself. You just have to remember who you are.

P.S. Please note the pose. This is why I cannot wear dresses to this day.

Do you have a picture of you shining? 

(originally written July 31, 2009)

The Power of Your Example as a Leading Lady

Posted on by

We are setting examples for those around us every day. This is especially true for those who have children, even grown children. That is a powerful concept. Do you want your children struggling through life even as adults because they watched you lead a bad example? What kind of behavior do you want to see in them? That is what you should be modeling, how you want them to act. It is also true for the people we interact with on a daily basis, our friends or coworkers. We do not want to get so caught up in expressing ourselves that we forget we are teaching others how to act. It’s all too easy to get caught up in a moment. When you are upset or venting about something, stop and look around at who is watching you. What if it is your child watching you? Is that how you want them to let a situation get to them, or do you want to teach them to rise above it in a healthy manner? We teach them every second of every day. Leading ladies set good examples. You could be that person, the one who raises everyone around you up to a higher level just by realizing the power you hold with your actions and words.

People are watching you no matter which example you choose to lead. It’s up to you to decide the type of leading lady you want to be.

Finding Your Joy

Featured

Posted on by

5 Steps to a Joy Filled Life

1. Start with a gratitude journal. Write in your journal every day. Choose one to three things that you are grateful for, things that bring you joy. They don’t have to be big things. I had wanted to start a gratitude journal for years. And probably did many times, but I doubt it got farther than that…just having the journal. I thought I needed major things to write down every day and was overwhelmed at the sheer pressure of it all. If today, you are happy for straws because you can drink without messing up your lipstick too badly, then be thankful for that. If you are thankful for cappuccinos this particular day at this particular moment, then be thankful for those. There are so many little things that we take for granted. Joy begins with appreciating the little things, too.

2. Surround yourself with things that bring you joy and peace. I love art. I love photographs. I love warm colors. I love music. I love candles. I love warm lighting. I love books. Surround yourself with things that move you. This is a great habit for two reasons. It feels really good, plus it helps you to know what doesn’t mean so much to you. Find out what is important and simplify your life. It makes decluttering a lot easier.

3.  Have a vision. For the same reason that exercise number two is good, so is this one. It is simply taking #2 to the next level. What moves you and inspires you for your life, not just your home. Where do you see yourself in 5 or 10 years, your ideal life? It can be a place or even a lifestyle or the type of person you want to be. Think about it in detail and write it all out and then create a vision board.  Look through a magazine and find images that move you. Tear those out and use them. Like exercise #2, it will not only help us know what we want, it will help us know what to eliminate.

4. Stop, think, and refocus. When you feel a situation stealing your joy, you and only you have the power to turn that around, but you must have a battle plan, so here it is: Stop, think, and refocus. Joy will always come from within, but you have to do things differently, though, if you want change. So the first step is to stop what you are doing. You must catch yourself and stop yourself from doing what you have always done. The next step is to think. Think to yourself, “Am I going to let this steal my joy?” That’s right…you have the power. At this point you are at a crossroad, and you are consciously present in the moment of choice. This is a good place. This is a place where change can happen. Make good choices. And lastly, refocus. Is there any good at all that you can see in this situation. Even something small. In a big picture, there are many small pictures. Don’t be committed to being right. Be open to seeing situations from different perspectives. Your joy depends on it. Find something good on which you can refocus your thinking and energy. You may still not be happy about the situation, but it may no longer have the power to still your joy.

5. Feel. Feel the joy. Feel the gratitude. Just as anger can be a powerful and palpable emotion, so can joy. Feel it. Let yourself go and be happy. Immerse yourself in it no matter what your situation. When you are grateful for something, feel that completely. Take a few minutes and feel that joy. When you are imagining the life you want, feel what it would feel like to have that, to be that. Feel it. This is where we begin to make it a reality in our lives.

_______________

Leading ladies have joy in their lives. I mean how can they not, they’re leading ladies. Wouldn’t you be happy if you were a leading lady? Of course! Well, my friend, you are!  You are a strong, beautiful, brave woman, so smile away!

Many people think we need a reason for joy. That doesn’t hurt, and many times we have more reasons that we realize. We are just not focused on them. Other times, our lives can be quite the train wreck. Either way it doesn’t matter. You can still choose joy. Beautiful, heart palpitating joy! We don’t realize how much of our power we give away when we make bad choices and take a victim mentality. Leading ladies choose to be survivors, thrivers but never victims.

I love to be happy. I love how it feels. I love how it looks on me. I love how other people look at me when my joy is just spontaneously spilling over!

I saw Goldie Hawn’s daughter, Kate Hudson, on the Oprah Show a couple of years ago and could not get something she said out of my head. It became one of my goals to find out more.

Dancing isn’t the only passion Goldie passed along to her daughter. Kate says her mother also taught her to live joyfully. “That’s a big word in our family. My mom dedicates her life to understanding what that is,” she says. “To understand your happiness or what makes you happy in your life is something that we grew up around.”

Every time I see Goldie Hawn or her daughter, Kate Hudson, they have a smile on their faces. What a great thing to pass on to your child. Joy.

“When Kate Hudson was asked about her relationship with Alex Rodriguez, she was hush but stated that she was happy and full of joy….with a smile on her face.”

You know what? I believe she really is. You can practically feel it radiate from both Kate and her mom. They make me happy just to look at the expression of joy on their faces. I hope that others can see that on me, too. It wasn’t always that way, though.

Not that long ago I realized I was missing that from my life. I came to realize that I was the unhappiest, happy person that I knew. That is hard to wrap your head around. And I think it is even harder to explain. Imagine a really happy person trapped in a dark place. A place with a dark cloud. A place where it just makes you sad. It caused me to make some changes in my life or more accurately inside myself. I wanted to have joy in my life.

The most important lesson that I learned is that joy does not come externally. It is internal.

Life is not a perfect. Things will happen. Bad things happen, but it is how we view these that determine our joy level. We can give all of our attention and focus to the bad, and joy will slowly just get up and walk right out of the room. Or you can choose to acknowledge a situation, but perhaps look at it from a different point of view, essentially create a different story.  There is always more than one side to a story or one perspective.  In your mind, stand up and walk around the situation.  Seeing it in a different light can sometimes make all the difference.  When we put all of our focus on a the bad things and get wrapped up in them, then we are not seeing the good, we are not walking in peace, joy or love. It is all negative energy.  And it’s a cycle, a bad cycle. Think about it. Have you ever walked into a room all happy and in a great mood and encountered a really big grump? You can instantly feel it. Chances are that you can only take so much of that before you are grumpy, too, at least with that person. Whatever you are will attract more of the same. People will respond to you accordingly. And on and on it goes. Now, why is it that the grumpy people tend to influence the joyful people more, I have no idea. Maybe it depends on how well you have mastered making your joy an internal thing versus an external thing. Something to think about.

So how do we get that? By practicing joy.

Yep. When you are learning something new, you have to practice it. It is the same with joy. I’m not a joy expert like Goldie Hawn or her daughter,  Kate Hudson.  They have had years to practice being joyful, but I am more joyful than I was two years ago.  I found that by having a system in place, a joy plan, I made way more progress than just wanting to be more joyful.  Wanting it was a start, and it gave me the motivation to find out more and make a plan.  I do these regularly.  Some of these I do every day, sometimes twice a day.  I’ve always heard it said that you it takes 21 days to make something a habit.  That is why doing things here and there are not nearly as helpful.  It’s the daily doing of something that makes it a new habit, a new way of thinking.

Remember, this isn’t about changing the external as much as it is the internal. Nothing in my life has gotten better, except me. Choose joy. You will be so glad you did!


Finding Your Voice

Featured

Posted on by

Have you found yourself hearing the voice of others in your head? Have you found that you are editing who you are to make those voices happy or at least not to anger them so they won’t say more mean things to you? Are those voices louder than your own?

If so, you are not alone. There are countless others in therapy trying to silence these voices. Oh, what damage is done by people speaking their mind who are either mean-spirited or do not have a clue what they are doing, sometimes both.

The voices in my head tell me to be quiet and that whatever I say will be wrong. I tend to edit what I would say out of fear. Fear that the people I am talking to will agree with the voices. But now I find myself saying to hell with the voices (and the superficial editing that leaves me void and empty of all healthy and sincere emotion), and I am following my own voice, a voice that loves and appreciates art and beauty, and cares so very deeply, a voice that encourages and hugs and says I love you. I now go inside myself and speak my true heart, a heart that cares so much.

When I hear the voices in my head but choose to let the voice in my heart overrule, I touch people in ways that I never would have otherwise. While I do not always know what to say, I just say what I feel totally and completely from my heart. And I feel like for the first time in my life I am touching people. It’s like our hearts connect for that brief moment. Because what I am saying is real. People really can see your true heart when you let it show. And if they are of the very small part of the population can’t see a person’s true heart, then they are either not worth it anyway, or sadly they are probably listening to the voices in their head, but don’t let them silence the beautiful and caring you that is inside. Don’t let them silence who you are.

Why, oh why, have I let my voice be silenced over the years?

You will always know when you are speaking from your true heart. In that brief second when all is quiet and you are trusting your instinct only, the real you will flow out. When this happens, you are never worrying what others will think or about what you say. You are only speaking a sincere and caring truth that is utterly and completely real and transparent. It’s void of all selfishness and touches hearts in the deepest and most sincere way that you could ever imagine. Many times people are thinking about themselves and wanting to say the right thing, and that shows. Even if our conscious minds do not notice, our subconscious minds do. While it’s all well meaning, it’s not focused on the other person near as much as it is them. We have to let go of wanting to be perfect, wanting and needing to be a hero and be real. Really real.

Let people know you care. From your heart. For real. One of the many things I learned in real estate was that people do not care what you know until they know that you care. If they have said or done something that moves you, speak from your heart and tell them.

If someone is hurting, empathize, but don’t pretend to put yourself in shoes you’ve never worn. Just be honest even if it is saying I care so much that I don’t know what to say. Sometimes a good hug will even say what words cannot say. We want to make it better for them. That’s all they want, too. While you may never know what they are thinking and feeling, you can both agree that you want it to be better for them. And believe with them that it will.

At this point, you may be wondering how do you silence the voices that have lived inside your head for so long? These voices have become such a part of our lives that you may not even realize they are not your own voice anymore. And just so we are clear, I’m not talking about actual voices. I’m talking about the voices that represent your hurt and rejection. It might be the way someone has treated you over and over in your life, so much so that you expect it from everyone else. So how do we silence those voices? Baby steps. For that one moment, think what you would say if there were no other voices in your head and you were fully present in that moment. Say that. The more we do this, the more we begin to find our true, authentic selves.

Find your voice, live out loud. The world is out there just waiting on the real you to show up!

What have you found that helps to silence the old messages in your head?

Get a Life

Featured

Posted on by

If you want to attract amazing and interesting people into your life, then you need to be one. Ever notice how we seem to be attracted to people who always have something fun or interesting going on? We tend to think, “Oh, wow! How cool are they! They have such a fun life!” They have that life because of choices they make. We can all have that life, but it takes getting off the couch to have it. It may even require going out of your comfort zone. It will definitely require time. It will take making different choices.

I have a good friend who started working out, doing yoga and hiking. She was never taking this time for herself before and gave everything to her family. Every time we see her on facebook now, she is doing something fun and exciting and has so many people posting wanting to either join her, or asking how she lost weight. Uhm, did they not catch the part about working out, doing yoga, and hiking? She told me that there are a lot of people who want to join her, but many of them don’t. They want her life. They just don’t want to do all that it requires. But wow, how exciting is hers, huh? It is, and she’s loving it!

We have two choices in life. Either we get to be the people out there living life, or we can be the ones at home watching everyone else live their life. Some people think that they could never be the person with the fun and exciting life. But, see that is the thing, so many people might say they are just not that kind of person, but we all are on some level. Some of us are really happy with just a little bit of fun and excitement. Some of us need a lot more. But we all have some of that in us. It’s all about the daily choices we make. That is really the only difference between someone who is a leading lady and someone who is not. These are not choices that are only for certain personality types. Herein, lies the cool part, the more we make those choices, the more we find ourselves evolving into someone we did not even know was in there, but she is. She’s been there all along.

If we are not leading an exciting life, we have no one to blame but ourselves and the choices we make. It’s like when someone complains that they are bored. They are not bored. They are boring.

The possibilities are endless.

What have you always wanted to do? And what great things are you doing in your life?