I like to look to what I’ve come to refer to as “real estate me” when thinking of the best version of me.

Remember when I mentioned a job I had that brought out a me that I never even new existed? It was when I was a real estate agent. Now, to give you a little history, I am the last person in the world who was ever interested in selling anything. I wasn’t a big people person at the time either, not to mention that my life was pretty much at an all-time low. My 26 year old husband just left me and our two young sons for a 16 year old girl. This was after a six year marriage where he always made me feel like I was never good enough, never pretty enough, never dressed well enough, never even wore my makeup right. So all those things on my list below…I didn’t feel like any of those things.

It was a tough time, but all of that changed when I became a real estate agent and sold houses for the next three years. I am not a sales person type at all. I am the farthest thing from it that you will probably ever meet. But I did like to help people. And actually went on to win two sales awards in my company. I’m not sure how other real estate companies do this because I only worked for one, but the company I chose always seemed to be offering self-help type classes or seminars or recommending self-help type books. I think rock bottom for when was while listening to a speaker after Hurricane Hugo, she mentioned all of the major life disasters/changes there were and how this was one of them. She named the following: a death, divorce, major move, career change, and natural disaster. I had experienced every single one of them in the 18 months. All of them. I knew then that I was going to survive. By all rights, I should have been crawling under the covers and never coming out again, but I wasn’t. I was still here. I had two small children depending on me. I didn’t have any other options. I had to not only survive, but I had to thrive. I had chosen the right company to work for because even though not one of those classes or speakers talked about how to feel better about yourself after a divorce or how to lose a loved one through death or any of the other changes I had experienced, I began to change. Most of the things I heard, I was hearing for the very first time in my life. I was also in a job where I had to go out of my comfort zone to succeed. I realized I could do more than I ever thought or believed. Before I even realized it, I was a completely different person. I loved people. I was confident in my job. And I never met a stranger. You know those people you hear about that will talk to a wrong number? I was that girl. Who would have ever thought that she was in there?

Another thing I like to do is take note of people who I think have mastered being the best version of themselves. What wonderful and amazing traits do they possess? Some people may be saying that you are not being your true authentic self if you are “copying” someone else. That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. Let’s say that when you are studying someone who has impressed you and you are trying to figure out what it is about them and you are amazed at what a great, loyal friend they are, or how kind they are, or how positive they are? Are those not admirable traits that we should all try to cultivate in our lives? Like they are the first and only person to have those traits? Of course, we will develop our own style, but we should always try to cultivate character and qualities that we like.

This is my continually growing list:

authentic
grateful
kind
pretty
smart
funny
outgoing
fun
stylish
creative
confident
happy
healthy
peaceful
successful
popular/like/loved

I love making these type of lists. It’s like going shopping without spending money. I want that. Oh, I like that and that. Most of these things are completely free. They are ours for the taking! Next, let’s work on fleshing our lists out and actually breaking it down to what these traits look like and clear, defined actions for the items on your list.

They always say you need to know where you are going if you want to get there. That makes sense and seems like a good place to start.

I’ve been thinking about this for a while, even before I started writing on this blog. I once had a job where I did things that I never thought I would do and became someone who I didn’t even know was in there. It was a time in my life when I had nothing to lose and everything to gain. Some might call that rock bottom.  It is probably a good thing I couldn’t afford the luxury to think too long and hard on it, or I might have realized that myself. I kept busy and basically just did what I was told to do with my job even if they were things that scared me, and I just sort of popped out. There was a me in there that I knew nothing about. The more she came out, the more confident I became. Putting ourselves out there and making changes is so hard, but if we have a plan and we do it, it’s a numbers game. We change. People respond. Not everyone but some will and the more it happens, the more we start to come out and feel like the real us.

So who do I want to be? What do I want my leading lady role to look like?

Some might say that we are who we are and that we shouldn’t try to be something we’re not. I disagree with that. Our life experiences help make up who we are. Our daily choices also help make us who we are. Change your experiences and your choices, and you might find that the desire you have is there because that is who you really are. Not to mention, so much of anything is learned or can be learned.

So stay tuned. I’m coming back tomorrow with my list. I’m going to warn you ahead of time my list is long. I’m not sure that I will get to everything on mine in my lifetime, but a bigger list helps to give us a bigger picture. You are the leading lady of your own life, and it’s your list. Make it as long or as short as you want.  I’ll be back to post mine tomorrow.