We all have those difficult people in our lives. What do you do when dealing with them? Do you count to 10? Get out your voodoo doll? (j/k) What do you do to keep a difficult person from getting the best of you?
~Topaz
Leave a comment below with your answer to this question.
I really hate learning lessons the hard way. But we are all going to learn a few that way, probably many more than a few. The important thing is to take that lesson and to learn and grow from it and share with others to learn and grow. We are less likely to make it again, when we do the work after a lesson learned the hard way.
It can be so tempting to judge someone. We can be quick to say that someone shouldn’t have done something or that we would never do that, which is thinly disguised judgement. The truth is, that you never know until you are that person walking in those shoes down that path.
We look at a situation and only knowing a small part of the facts, or only the small amount of the overall information that one person in the situation has shared, and we come to a conclusion and judge someone. That is judgement.
The truth is, we do not know what we would do in that situation. We only think we know. And another truth is, if we knew the whole situation, we would have a greater compassion for the person, and would probably not judge. Period. It wouldn’t matter if we would have done the same thing or not.
Judging tends to come from our own issues based on our own life experiences. It can also come sometimes from (hang on, this one will be tough to hear), a need to feel superior, a need to feel like we are doing right in our lives. We need to feel that we are on a superior and higher path.
Even if you are, it’s only because you have not gone through everything that they have gone through, or maybe you went through it with a much better support system.
I judged someone once and found myself walking in her shoes one day, and you know what, I don’t judge her at all anymore. Even though I am trying to handle it a little differently, I do not in any way, shape, or form judge her now. No matter how much I think I may know, I don’t know what all she went through. Although, I do have a small insight now to what it may have looked like, but this I know – it was hard. It was very hard. Even if I were able to handle the situation perfectly, I have lost all need to judge. The situation is that hard, and I have an understanding of it now that I did not before.
The truth is, we can only say what we would do in a situation when we are actually in that situation, and even then, it is only who we are and everything in our lives that we have been through, and the support system that we have had or not had that got us to the point of making the decisions that we do. Something could happen tomorrow that might even change that.
Which brings me to my conclusion, judging is a burden that we do not want to carry. Life is full enough of the situations that we have to actually deal make. Judging is based on a hypothetical with only a very tiny portion of the facts. Give people the benefit of the doubt. At the very least, let them live their own lives. It is, after all, their life. Be the leading lady in your own life, and let them have the leading role in theirs.
I ask you, if you are hanging onto judgement of someone, to lay it down. Lay it down right now, and walk away. Just leave it and walk away. It’s a burden that I do not want my dear friends to carry.
Another thing to know is that we do not have to carry someone’s judgement on us. We do not have to own that. Let’s not carry burdens that we do not have to carry. Do what you know to be the right thing, and let others do the same for their lives. Lay down unnecessary burdens.
Judge not, that ye be not judged. -Matthew 7:1
What lessons have you learned the hard way that you can share with others?
Throughout our life opportunity presents itself, opportunities to direct/sculpt/create our life. It comes in the form of choices. These particular choices are not your ordinary choices. These are the choices that change your life forever. When we come face to face with a defining moment, we are making defining choices. These are choices that will alter the course of our life. For good or bad, we are determining the course of the rest of our life.
If you think back, the defining moments will reveal themselves. You know which ones they are. Sometimes the moment is so etched in our mind that we remember it down to the tiniest of details. We remember the two choices that we were presented with and even the feelings that we had, and then we make what seems like such an inconsequential decision, but it alters our life forever. If we only knew the power that we held in that moment. Defining moments seem almost magical. They find us. We do not find them.
Unfortunately, they do not always find us when we are in the best frame of mind to be making defining, life-altering choices.
So the question is how do we alter the course if we have made a bad choice in a defining moment, or to put ourselves in the best place to make good future choices? Defining moments are internal choices. We make them with our heart, not necessarily our instincts, but our heart based on everything that has brought us to this place today and what we have come to know and believe, and or fear up to this very point. That is the problem with defining moments. We are not always in the healthiest of places when we must make them. An important thing to note about defining moments is that while they do alter the course of our life and define our lives from that point on, we do have the power to change that course. It may not be in the magic of a defining moment, but it is possible.
Think back to the choice you made and who you were when you made it. That is where our attention must be focused. The person we were when we made the choice. Who was she? What did she think? What did she believe? What did she do daily? The defining moment is changed when we see the person who made the choice and begin to do things differently than she did. Was she selfish? If so, then do things that require giving. Was she fearful? If so, then do things that require being brave. When you change the person who made the choice, you will create a person who makes different choices. Many times we hear that knowing is half the battle. Yes, but it is not the whole battle. The rest of the battle comes when we change what we think and do daily. Consistency is key. Be careful not to fall into the trap of thinking that just because you see the error in the choice you made that that makes you changed. That can be a trap making you think that you are entirely different. You are not truly there until you are consciously changing the day to day choices. Remember, it’s the day to day choices and thoughts that ultimately lead us to being the type of person who makes our defining moment choices. True change does not come until you consciously and consistently living a different daily life. We cannot change history, but we can create a new future. -Topaz
I applaud the leading ladies making changes in their lives, whether it be at midlife or any age. There are many times in our life when we come to crossroads. It might be when we approach middle age, after a divorce, death, or other life changing event, but it is a significant point in our life that is an opportunity, an opportunity to change our lives and to write a new and even better ending to our story.
So many people buy into the philosophy of, “Well, this is just how I am,” and they don’t think they should change. Oh, that we should all be born so perfect. Rarely is that the case, though, no matter how much someone wishes to believe it. In fact, usually the ones making that statement need to change the most.
“Midlife is our second chance. If you want to spend the years you have left simply reenacting the dramas of your past, you can. The same script will indeed be coming around again for your review. It always does. But if you choose, you can tale the script and give it an awesome rewrite, totally get on top of your material, and take a bow at the end that blows everyone away.” -Marianne Williamson
Many times we come to crossroads at this stage of our life: Do we see middle age as the beginning of the end and live in the past (past mistakes, past issues, etc.) and just wallow in the misery of it all, or do we see it as an opportunity, an opportunity for change, and an opportunity to write a new chapter in our story that we can begin much wiser and more experienced?
This reminds me of a story that I want to share with you. It was an important lesson that I learned approximately 15 years ago. My sons and I volunteered at a nursing home for years, and the very first day I learned one of the most important lessons of my life. As I observed the different residents and their personalities (one of the hazards of being a continuous people watcher), I noticed some who were gentle and kind with a quiet joy, and I noticed some who were very difficult who seemed to be angry and just unhappy in general. Whatever attitude these people had chosen years ago, stuck. And stuck hard.
I thought of myself and the other people in my life and realized how important the attitude that we choose today is because it could be the one that we must live with for the rest of our lives. Remember when you would make a face as a child and a parent would say to stop it or your face would freeze like that? Well, this is what happens with our heart. Be careful with your heart and who you choose to be, or it will freeze like that. As leading ladies, we need to be ever so mindful of this. Be careful with your heart because the attitude that you choose today could be the one that you are stuck with for the rest of your life.
Be careful with your heart and who you choose to be, because it has a tendency to freeze like that. -Topaz
No matter what has brought you to the crossroads of life – a life changing event, an article or quote that you read, or an observation that you made – take this opportunity to honestly evaluate your life, your attitude, and your heart. Then change what needs to be changed to edit your story for the best possible ending. What leading lady wouldn’t want that for her life? And remember, even at intermission, the best is still yet to come. ~Topaz
Have you found yourself giving your life a rewrite?
Dear Amazingly Beautiful Leading Lady and Kind Friend,
I recently read the eulogy that Steve Jobs’ sister wrote and was deeply touched. I felt like I knew him after I finished reading it and felt he was someone I would have liked and would have been friends with. His sister knew him. And she knew him well. It made me wonder could I sit down and write about my own self as she had written about her brother, and if I did what would I say.
If someone described you, what would they say? Is what they are seeing who you really are? Is it how you see yourself? Is it how you want others to see you? Sometimes we don’t accurately represent who we are because we are not walking in a total awareness of who we are. We throw around the phrase “finding ourselves” a lot today. Sometimes we seem to know others, or at least think we do, better than ourselves. So how well do we know ourselves?
I penned a simple list, for now, just to begin exploring. I would like to come back later and flesh it out more. I made an interesting observation after making my list. I do not always spend time doing the things I really love. I want to change that. Instead of spending an evening watching television, what if I spent the evening exploring an art gallery, or even a new art book? Or what if I spent the evening with friends discussing our hopes and dreams over dinner with a bottle of wine? Even something as simple as listening to the music I love can get lost in the busyness of a day. How many times do I get so busy that I don’t even think to have music playing? I said before there is power in the written word, and I believe that. If my life is the canvas, let me use these words to paint my life, my authentic life.
I love music with heart and passion.
I love the smell of the ocean.
I love turtle necks and jeans.
I love good conversation.
I love black and white.
I love creating.
I love simple.
I love fall.
I love joy.
I love art.
LOVE
I love art.
I love joy.
I love fall.
I love simple.
I love creating.
I love black and white.
I love good conversation.
I love turtle necks and jeans.
I love the smell of the ocean.
I love music with heart and passion.
I love that this is who I am and that I love all of these things.
I didn’t mention my material possessions, but of all the possessions I have, my Bibles, pictures, piano and writings mean the most to me. They are the things that cannot be replaced. My piano has a story, so even it cannot be replaced.
A perfect evening would be spent with people I care about enjoying wine, music, inspiring conversation, and wonderful food.
I wonder how many of us actually know our own selves as well as Steve’s sister wrote about him. I wonder if we even stop and think about it much, who we are. If we did, I believe we would like ourselves more than we realized, and low self-esteem would be less of an issue.
And if we did realize who we were, would we realize that we are not living our lives as our true authentic selves.
What do you love? How do you like to spend your time? What moves you? What inspires you? Are you spending your free time doing what you really love?
Take care, dear friend. May your life be beautifully you!
~Topaz
What do you love? How do you like to spend your time? What moves you? What inspires you? Are you spending your free time doing what you really love?