Finding Your Voice

Have you found yourself hearing the voice of others in your head? Have you found that you are editing who you are to make those voices happy or at least not to anger them so they won’t say more mean things to you? Are those voices louder than your own?

If so, you are not alone. There are countless others in therapy trying to silence these voices. Oh, what damage is done by people speaking their mind who are either mean-spirited or do not have a clue what they are doing, sometimes both.

The voices in my head tell me to be quiet and that whatever I say will be wrong. I tend to edit what I would say out of fear. Fear that the people I am talking to will agree with the voices. But now I find myself saying to hell with the voices (and the superficial editing that leaves me void and empty of all healthy and sincere emotion), and I am following my own voice, a voice that loves and appreciates art and beauty, and cares so very deeply, a voice that encourages and hugs and says I love you. I now go inside myself and speak my true heart, a heart that cares so much.

When I hear the voices in my head but choose to let the voice in my heart overrule, I touch people in ways that I never would have otherwise. While I do not always know what to say, I just say what I feel totally and completely from my heart. And I feel like for the first time in my life I am touching people. It’s like our hearts connect for that brief moment. Because what I am saying is real. People really can see your true heart when you let it show. And if they are of the very small part of the population can’t see a person’s true heart, then they are either not worth it anyway, or sadly they are probably listening to the voices in their head, but don’t let them silence the beautiful and caring you that is inside. Don’t let them silence who you are.

Why, oh why, have I let my voice be silenced over the years?

You will always know when you are speaking from your true heart. In that brief second when all is quiet and you are trusting your instinct only, the real you will flow out. When this happens, you are never worrying what others will think or about what you say. You are only speaking a sincere and caring truth that is utterly and completely real and transparent. It’s void of all selfishness and touches hearts in the deepest and most sincere way that you could ever imagine. Many times people are thinking about themselves and wanting to say the right thing, and that shows. Even if our conscious minds do not notice, our subconscious minds do. While it’s all well meaning, it’s not focused on the other person near as much as it is them. We have to let go of wanting to be perfect, wanting and needing to be a hero and be real. Really real.

Let people know you care. From your heart. For real. One of the many things I learned in real estate was that people do not care what you know until they know that you care. If they have said or done something that moves you, speak from your heart and tell them.

If someone is hurting, empathize, but don’t pretend to put yourself in shoes you’ve never worn. Just be honest even if it is saying I care so much that I don’t know what to say. Sometimes a good hug will even say what words cannot say. We want to make it better for them. That’s all they want, too. While you may never know what they are thinking and feeling, you can both agree that you want it to be better for them. And believe with them that it will.

At this point, you may be wondering how do you silence the voices that have lived inside your head for so long? These voices have become such a part of our lives that you may not even realize they are not your own voice anymore. And just so we are clear, I’m not talking about actual voices. I’m talking about the voices that represent your hurt and rejection. It might be the way someone has treated you over and over in your life, so much so that you expect it from everyone else. So how do we silence those voices? Baby steps. For that one moment, think what you would say if there were no other voices in your head and you were fully present in that moment. Say that. The more we do this, the more we begin to find our true, authentic selves.

Find your voice, live out loud. The world is out there just waiting on the real you to show up!

What have you found that helps to silence the old messages in your head?

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